Help! My friend ditched me for more ‘elite’ students. How can I learn to trust again?

Dear Friend,

I made a new friend at school and we quickly became inseparable. But she recently said she only wants to befriend “elite students” and has started alienating me. It hurt me so much that I’ve begun shutting myself off from other people. What should I do?

Sincerely, Discarded

Dear Discarded,

We are so sorry to hear about what happened with your friend. It hurts to be abandoned by your pal and can affect your ability to trust people. Just remember that this is a reflection on them, not you.

It sounds like your former friend is a social climber, someone who values popularity and status and only befriends people who have something they want. This behaviour stems from low self-esteem and insecurity on their part, and it doesn’t help them build genuine friendships.

It doesn’t take away your pain, however. Here are a few tips we hope can help:

Accept your feelings

Let yourself feel hurt and angry. Talk to your other friends and family about what happened; we’re sure they have a story or two to share about a time it happened to them.

Free yourself and move on

Try not to let yourself become overwhelmed by despair. Instead, practise some self-love by writing down the things you’re good at, reflecting on good memories, or doing an activity you enjoy.

Do things that make you happy, such as listening to your favourite songs, going to a trendy new coffee shop, or watching a cheerful movie. All this can help you build up your emotional energy, which is important for healing.

Give yourself some distance from your former friend. You may still have to see them at school, but you can unfollow them on social media or block them on WhatsApp. This can give you the space you need to process your emotions.

Keep your heart open

Being ditched by a friend can mess with your confidence, and we understand why you’re nervous about trusting others. However, it’s not good to shut yourself off from future friendships, as this could leave you feeling very lonely and isolated.

Start with the assumption that someone is trustworthy until they prove they are not. Trust is a key component of friendship but can’t develop without taking a leap of faith. You never know what is around the corner, but maintaining a positive mindset will help you prepare for new and better beginnings.

Healing from emotional wounds takes time and patience, but the friendships you can build will make the work worthwhile.

Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend