Help! I can’t keep up with my classmates in school, and I feel lost and depressed

Dear Friend,

I was satisfied with my grades in primary school, and I was always better than my classmates academically.

However, in secondary school, I don’t perform as well as my classmates no matter how hard I try. I feel lost and depressed. What should I do?
Please help, Falling Star Student

Comparison is detrimental if it is starting to make you feel depressed. Illustration: Shutterstock

Dear Falling Star,

In a competitive society that values academic achievement, it’s not easy when it seems like you can’t keep up. Feeling like you fall short even when you give your all can be frustrating and demoralising.

We wish we had the secret to instantly improve your performance in school, but unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Still, we do have some advice for you.

Comparison has its pros and cons

Feeling disappointed when you do not perform as well as you expected is normal. You mentioned feeling lost because your classmates are doing better than you are. Comparing yourself to others has benefits and downsides: it can inspire you to work harder or make you feel defeated.

At this moment, letting go of unnecessary comparison seems to be a healthier mindset. Focus on your own progress even if it feels small.

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Achievable goals are key

Set minor goals and reward yourself when you achieve them. Make sure these objectives are based on your own progress, not how others are faring. You can reward yourself by hanging out with friends or playing games after completing a few assignments. These little achievements will help build your confidence.

Don’t be afraid to ask your teacher or classmates for help. Even if it may feel embarrassing to admit that you are struggling, this will help you improve in the long run.

Maintain a balanced lifestyle

Healthy eating, restful sleep and proper exercise are always beneficial to the body and mind. Neglecting your health and hobbies to focus entirely on studying can harm your well-being.

Setting aside time to relax and take care of yourself not only keeps you from burning out, but also acts as a reminder that your worth is defined by more than just your grades in school.

Don’t keep your feelings bottled up

If this advice is not enough to keep you from feeling consumed by your emotions, please talk to someone you trust, like a teacher or parent. Oftentimes, sharing our struggles can release the pressure we feel and help us find support.

Also, you can take a look at the online resources below:

Best of luck, Friend of a Friend