Asking for a Friend: Help! How can I make friends when I’m too shy to talk to people?

Dear Friend,

I am shy and introverted, and it’s difficult for me to start a conversation or make friends. I haven’t had a close friend in a long time. Do you have any suggestions about how I can change this situation and feel less blue?

Please help, Introvert

Dear Introvert,

It’s normal to be nervous when trying to make new friends, and we’re sorry to hear you’ve been having so much trouble. Here are a few tips that we hope can help you:

Use your hobbies to expand your circle

It is easier to make friends with someone when you already know you share a common interest. Join a sports team, music club, or volunteer. You might feel more comfortable starting a conversation with someone when you already know what you can talk about. As a bonus, participating in these activities can help you develop your potential and talents.

Keep being kind

Kindness is the foundation of relationships. We have no doubt you’re a kind and lovely person – keep it up! This goes a long way toward building connections with other people. Don’t be afraid to offer compliments or wish someone a good day.

You should also practise active listening; who doesn’t want a friend that is a good listener? These days, too many people nod and pretend to pay attention to another person while they’re actually thinking about what they want to say. Try to avoid that. Give your conversation partner your full attention by maintaining eye contact and rephrasing what they say; this shows that you’re listening to them. You can also ask questions, which shows that you care about a person and how they think and feel.

How to make new friends and talk to people

Keep an open mind

Even if you follow all our advice perfectly, it’s unrealistic to expect to make a close friend quickly. We understand that you might be feeling lonely. Try to reframe how you approach the situation: instead of thinking, “I am alone,” change it to “I get to spend some time with myself!” Take a walk in nature, try something new, and think about the qualities you appreciate about yourself. In the meantime, keep a positive mindset, stay open-minded and look to the future.

Sincerely, Friend of a Friend